It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Finals...

So it's the beginning of finals week *internally screams* and there's just so much stress that I'm dealing with. This past Saturday, I found out the true reason that someone in my church left and it left me in complete shock. I didn't know how to feel about it or process it. This past Sunday our church held a meeting regarding said person and the way the congregation spoke of this person was utterly shameful. Yes this person has a great sin to deal with, but we all have great sins, God doesn't see one sin as lesser than another, to Him all sin is great sin. And for the people to speak about him in the manner that they did was so disheartening. As someone who is really struggling with their faith, seeing the adults of the church speak with such selfishness and unfaithfulness in God, was really discouraging. The hearts of those who spoke were so hard and the words coming out of their mouths were so selfish and hypocritical, and they sounded like they had no trust in God's provisions. They spoke of the financial stresses the church is dealing with and how our church is going to handle the changes and I just was reminded of the Israelites being led out of Egypt and complaining about there being no food or water and complaining about how, even though they've been delivered from slavery, now their going to die of starvation anyways. I was so disgusted that the adults of the church who have the privilege of still having their jobs were complaining about the financial strains our church is dealing with. 

Dealing with all this stress the weekend before finals was, not the weekend I envisioned. I thought I would be studying and preparing for finals, instead I was grappling with the fact that these people of God were acting so selfish and hypocritical. I spent a lot of time this weekend crying and I still feel like I need to talk to people about this situation. Anyways, now that I've learned the reasons behind the departure of a church member and dealing with this all during finals week, I just feel like I need an outlet to let all this go. This anger, frustration, bitterness, confusion, sadness, empathy. I'm just so filled with a mix of emotions it's been really hard to focus on studying for my finals. I am just so looking forward to Thursday afternoon when I finish my last final and I can finally go back to crossfit and channel all these emotions and energy into exercise and feel better about myself and what's going on.

With everything that's been happening, I've been trying to shift my focus off of the negative thoughts and feelings of thinking about these situations too much. I'm really looking forward to the winter break and using it as a time to reboot and kickstart my health again. I really want to use the winter break to get healthier and make lasting healthy habits, and also get used to eating more healthful meals with lots of greens and colorful veggies and healthy fats. One of the blogs that has really motivated me to get healthier is Taralynn's Blog. I've followed her story since she was on tumblr and now she has her own site and her story is really motivating and encourages me into believing that it is possible to lose a large amount of weight healthily, both mentally and physically. I'm really excited for what the break has in store for me and I'm also looking forward to meeting with my friends and spiritual leaders to talk about the terrible situation that happened this weekend.