*sigh* These past couple of days have been such a mix of good things and bad things. Some good things: having two thanksgiving dinners, seeing friends, going to church, getting Thanksgiving break. Some bad things: my laptop is on its last leg, exams, presentations, papers, lack of funds. Thanksgiving break couldn't have come sooner! I really need this break to just re-boot and try to start over a little bit. Catch up with some work, study some material, and rest my mind.
I'm so overwhelmed with all the things that are coming up in the next couple days. I just had an exam, which I don't think I did too well on, I have to write 2 papers, make 2 presentations, and play catch up for my other class. This past month just was completely off for me. I didn't go to crossfit at all, I missed 2 counseling sessions, I missed a lot more classes. I just feel like I'm going to make the same mistakes I made at Bryn Mawr. I feel this rush of anxiety and fear and it's beginning to cripple me a little. I really thought that I was making strides to become better mentally and physically, but right now I feel like I failed again. It also doesn't help that my laptop is failing and is literally dying, well it only works if it's plugged in, and I probably need to get a new one. I don't have a job, which I desperately need, to help my parents pay for my rent and gas and groceries and various miscellaneous things.
I am just feeling really alone and just kind of abandoned? I don't really know. I feel like I've done all these things to try and get better and I've gone to church more and I prayed, in God knows how long. I just feel like none of these things are really helping. It's making me feel like it's all for nothing and that everything is moot and unnecessary.
I really hope this break helps me heal mentally a bit and I can just let go of some of the pressure....
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