Fall Break Marks the Second Half of the Semester

Fall break was this past week. Though I'm more used to having a full week of break like I had at Bryn Mawr, I'll take the four day weekend I got here. It was a much needed break from school life: not thinking about writing papers, reading books, or studying anatomy.

I feel kind of sad about the break because I didn't get to see my mom since she was on vacation in Croatia. I wish I got to see all my family members before having to come back to school. But I am glad that the semester is almost coming to an end! I'm one semester closer to graduating and feeling like I've accomplished something. Being closer to graduating is such a big deal for me because of the feelings of failure I had at Bryn Mawr, and now feeling like I'm one step closer to achieving what I couldn't when I was at Bryn Mawr. Don't get me wrong, Bryn Mawr taught me so much and I am indebted to the them for how much they've shaped me as a woman and as a person in general, and I am kind of thankful for the suffering I endured because then I would never have grown as a person. (Even though it sucked to get super depressed and still be reeling from the aftermath of the academic pressure).

I am glad that my first semester here at Eastern is going pretty well and that it is almost over. I know that this will be such a huge deal for me because of my past with school and my expectations for myself. One of the things my counselor is trying to teach me is to change the way I think about school and grades. They told me to just enjoy learning, which I need to learn to enjoy again, and to think of my classes as a privilege instead of an obligation.

I am really glad that I've been going to see a counselor and learning how to change the way I think and act in order to change the way I feel. I always forget that the steps that I'm taking to be proactive are a big deal and I forget to tell myself that it is important to tell myself that taking these steps are a big deal, and that it's not easy to take those steps in the first place.

One of the things I am upset with myself is the fact that I've neglected going to Cross fit for 2 weeks. Even though one of those weeks was fall break, but still fall break wasn't a full week, and the week before I could have made the time to go, instead of telling myself that I would use that time to "study". I really do love going to cross fit and and I really do think going has given me more confidence and happiness. The coaches and other athletes are always encouraging and whenever I complete a workout I feel so good about myself! I really do need to go back and be more consistent with it, so I can reap the full benefits of exercise not only for my body but also for my mind.

This week I really want to challenge myself so that I don't get off track even further. I want to go to Cross fit more often, like I did in the beginning, I want to put into practice more what I learn with my counselor, and I want to be more on top of my school work. I know that these are all things I've struggled with before and continue to struggle with, but I have seen a slow change and I can only hope to make those changes stick and hopefully one day I'll realize that I am healed mentally, physically, and spiritually. (The spiritual aspect needs the most work, I think, at least in my life).